Xanga Archive

So I have this great idea for a poem or writing of some kind.  At first I thought a poem would be cool.. but then I was like.. I could do a lot better if I didn’t worry about that at all and just wrote like a paragraph.  Anyway, I was going to write it tonight and put it up here, but then it ended up being 2:30 by the time I was done writing my Radio Production paper, for my Radio class which is at 8 in fact… 😉  yeah for less then 5 hours of sleep ;).  So I do not have time to sit and think about something like that to write it.  However, I *CAN* tell you that it is called “The Hero” and that I think it is a really neat idea, though I will probably butcher the idea and it will probably not even be worth reading.  Oh well.  I’m going to make the attempt anyway ;).

I have determined that I really need to learn how to make myself tell girls “no”.  Stupid girls asked me to play volleyball today, and I agreed to.. and then I was reminded of why I never play 😉  My God do I suck horribly ;).  Then I tripped on the stupid line that marks the out of bounds and looked like a retard (in addition to being a retard).  Were it guys that had asked me, I most definately would have said “maybe some other time,” but no, they had to be female, didn’t they?  One of these days I will be able to resist the fairer gender.  I think.  Probably not.  I am weak and have no will of my own when it comes to that.

Why is it that so many people I know read this and never comment on it?  It’s amazing… I am constantly finding out people read this that I had no idea did…  and a lot of them I really wouldn’t have even thought that they would KNOW about this site.  It makes me wonder what some of them have seen, because there’s been a time or two I’ve posted some not too pleasant stuff, only to remove it a few hours or a day later…   heh..  oh well :).  In any case, if you read this, comment you lazy bum!  I am not here to merely entertain you, but to be entertained!  Are you not entertained?  Well, I challenge you to a duel! I demand satisfaction (name that show/character and you will recieve 1 imaginary canadian dollar.. I can’t afford the imaginary U.S. ones..).

At any rate, the time for sleeping is upon me.  I wish you all a wonderful day.

“This is where the water becomes shallow
And nothing here is quite as deep
As you hoped it would be

You wish the lines were drawn a little clearer
The tides have turned
This drought will burn
And everything is falling out of place

And drying in the sun
Shriveling and shrinking
The hides are turning brown
Wrinkling and stinging

As you bury yourself

Deep in the dust
Of the sandiest grave you can find
It’s a new desert life

To be reborn again
Out of glass and of sand
And you’re glimmering and you are clear

This is where
The water is shallow and nothing is as deep
As you hoped it would be

And this drought will burn
And everything’s falling, everything’s falling
And everything’s falling
Out of place . . .

And you’re glimmering and you are clear…”

-“A New Desert Life,” by Further Seems Forever

The following is an excerpt from C.S. Lewis’ “The Weight of Glory”:

“If all the world were Christian, it might not matter at all if the world were uneducated.  But, as it is, a cultural life will exist outside the Church whether it exists inside or not.  To be ignorant and simple now — not to be able to meet the enemies on their own ground — would be to throw down our weapons , and to betray our uneducated brethren who have, under God, no defence but us against the intellectual attacks of the heathen.  Good philosophy must exist, if for no other reason, because bad philosophy needs to be answered.”

He goes on to make some more really good points, but I would end up quoting like the rest of the chapter if I went on any further… so.. yeah 🙂

Basically, I think Christians shouldn’t throw everything to “faith” like they do.  Certainly, some things simply cannot be explained, and faith certainly has it’s place, but God gave us more then faith, and we should make use of the intellectual faculties that he gave us.  Know what you believe and why you believe it.

I think a good challenge for everyone is this: When someone asks you “how do you know that God is real?”, you should be able to answer their question…. and you should be able to answer it without saying something stupid like “because the bible says so”.  If they don’t believe in God, they surely don’t believe that the Bible has any real credibility… so your saying that is completely useless.

Just a little something I was thinking about.

In completely unrelated news….  in accordance with myself being in a lot of pain…. first the massive bug bite, then great pain and soreness in my arms from the stupid weight room…. NOW… a large, puffy blister on the back of my ankle.  It was caused by part of my shoe getting bent over and rubbing it as I was running last night.  I was not pleased.

I saw Blindside’s music video for Pitiful.  It is cool, just as the song is.

So why don’t you DOWNLOAD it?

That is all.

“She said what I was supposed to think
Thank God for freedom
Thank God for liberation
(She said) Now we are allowed to think
Now we are allowed to feel lust without cute boring love

But don’t you ever just like me
Long for purity
Don’t you ever
Get sick of our territories

What are you so scared of sister
What made you so afraid to feel
To chose a stone cold liberation
The one thing I hate most about me
Is the one thing you want to make your trademark
To feel lust without cute boring love

But don’t you ever just like me
Long for purity
Don’t you ever
Get sick of our territories
Don’t you ever feel like glass
Fragile, hurting, letting it pass
Don’t you think it’s time to trespass

But when the fire is gone
Who are you?
What are you so scared of sister?
I’m just as scared as you”

-“Cute Boring Love,” by Blindside

For all of you who are worried from my last post….  all 2 of you… don’t worry…. it looks like I’m going to pull through…  thanks to the wonderful doctors at Occupational Health Partners in Lakeland, FL.  They have saved me from certain death at the hands of merciless poisonous bugs.

Anyway, I went there, and they looked at it and were like “yep, it’s a massive bug bite all right.  Way to recognize that.”  and I said “yeah, I’m pretty observant.”  The end.

Not really, then I had to go and get this medicine that I was given a prescription for.  I still think it’s odd that I need prescription medicine for a stinking bug bite 😉  Anyway though….  I needed to find a pharmacy where my insurance would pay for the stuff…  more easily said then done…  according to United Healthcare (my insurance company)… on their website there is a “Pharmacy Online” section… which contains a thing that lets you search for a nearby pharmacy that accepts them…  You go to the little “site tour” thing, and it tells you all about it… it even shows you pictures of where it’s supposed to be… unfortunately… it is NOT THERE… ANYWHERE… I looked… for like an hour… but to no avail.

So anyway, eventually my parents finally called me and told me the places I could go.  And I went and got it.  And then I took it… and this morning… when I woke up… my bug bite had shrunk to normal size!  It was wonderful.

I also watched the movie Swimfan last night.  It was actually a lot better of a movie then I thought it would be…  but wait!  don’t go see it just yet.  This movie upset me moreso then I have been upset by a movie in a long time.  The events of the movie are so upsetting that NO ending could have satisfied me.  The amount of pain I wished inflicted on that girl knew no bounds.  And for those of you who have seen it… the scalpel scene…..  I just about flipped out.  If she had done that, I would have hit someone.

Also, the new Blindside cd is exceptional.

“as I recall when my stomach turned
and I was hiding away from myself
away from you
like nothing but something was terribly wrong
and I admit that I was only waiting for the right time (right time)
right moment for you to look away
though you never did I pretended for a while
so I could walk where I don’t belong

I remember every word you said
come back in time come back
and I remember I was too beaten
pitiful so pitiful

but I know as they hammered those nails
into your beautiful hands
your eyes they tried to search for mine
but I look away
now your eyes are the only thing that can save me
I’m still afraid of them piercin’
you break into my prison
just pretended for a while
my soul is sad and I walk away

I remember every word you said
come back in time come back
and I remember I was too beaten
pitiful so pitiful

pitiful
pitiful
pitiful
pitiful
so pitiful

and I remember every word you said
but this time I won’t look away
and I remember every word you said
and this time I won’t look away

and I remember every word you said
come back in time come back
and I remember I was so beaten
pitiful so pitiful

and I remember every word you said (pitiful)
come back in time come back (pitiful)
and I remember I was too beaten (pitiful)
pitiful so pitiful”

“Pituful,” by Blindside

AAAAAAAAA!!!   Make it go away!

I have a massive bug bite on my arm.  Seriously, this thing is fricken HUGE.  It’s like a second elbow… except without the joint… or the elbow… and just a big massive swelling.  Or something like that.  I tried to take a picture of it so you folks could see the wonder that it is, but, my camera is not cooperating.  It also kind of aches and stuff, it’s not fun.  Spiders are evil.  Of the devil.  Of course, at this point I just kind of assume it was a spider… I don’t really know.

So now I wait for it to be time to go to the doctor…. I have missed 2 classes in my efforts to locate the doctor’s office, and make an appointment.  It’s a lot more difficult then you might think.

So anyway, if I’m dead in a few days, it is due to massive bug-like creatures digging their long, slimy, hideous fangs into my arm and injecting large quantities of putrid burning poisonous liquids into my veins…….

just thought I’d share that with you.

Ok, so monday night I did not sleep AT ALL (not by choice, I tried sleeping after making my post, and could not).   And so yesterday was kind of rough.  Trying to stay awake and alert during times I needed to be… and trying to get in a little bit of sleep when I could.

So yeah… lack of sleep = not good.

I don’t even know why I’m posting this… I have absolutely nothing of value to say at the moment 😉

oh, and I was just listening to this song again for the first time in awhile earlier… and I have decided that it is brilliant…

“Blessed is the man who does prevail
Doomed are the peacemakers when they fail
If hope springs eternal, it never does here
I guess I lost all my hope last year

I tried to steal the moon from the sky…

I am lost and lonely, adrift in space
My dreams are haunted by your face
Many years ago on this day
The earth moved away as I stayed in place

And I’m still waiting…

Binary star
I love you more by far
Than this whole world of things untrue
If only I could say I love you


Blessed are the meek, they shall inherit
The right to stumble and to fall and perish
Blessed are the drifters, the stars that die
Whose light expires before goodbye

I tried to steal the moon from the sky…

They break like waves on the shore
And still these words mean nothing more
And in the dark I climb the slope
The bravest thing of all is always hope

And I’m still waiting…

Binary star
I love you more by far
Than anything in this world untrue
If only I could say I love you


Binary star
I love you more by far
Than all the things of this world untrue
If only I could say I love you

If only I could say I love you

If only I could say I love you “

-“Binary,” by Brave Saint Saturn

Well, I put up a new picture since that last one has been up since like… 2 or 3 weeks before I left home… which puts it a little over a month since I’ve changed pics.  As you can see, my hair is actually beginning to get long now.  This is a good thing.  Actually it’s kind of funny.  Like I get a 50/50 response to the hair/sideburns thing….  Half the people I come into contact with are like “hey, that’s really cool… I like it a lot”, and the other half are life “eh, i don’t really like it”.  Personally, I’m liking it.  It’s at somewhat of an uncomfortable length right now, but, once it gets a little longer it should be all good.

It is now 3 a.m.  I have a class at 8 a.m.  That means I have to be up by 7:15, and THAT means…  if I go to sleep I get a grand total of 4 hours… unfortunately, I also had a large cup of coffee about an hour or so ago, and as a result the caffeine has me really alert, so I don’t much feel like sleeping.  That wasn’t too smart of me, huh?  Oh well, I will learn from it I guess.

I watched Major Payne just a bit ago with Ronnie and BJ.  Of course, rather then doing the smart thing and watching it early, we started watching it at 1 a.m., so as to make it so that I had to break curfew to go over there (we’re not supposed to leave our rooms after one… luckily there is about a 2 second outside walk between our rooms) and also so that none of us would get a decent amount of sleep.  But it was cool, they’re cool guys, and I definately plan on hanging out with them this year.  Even if I am only using them for their cool movie setup (j/k..  sort of ;)).

I am really excited about this year though.  There is so much potential I can see in it.  I just am wanting to not waste it… I want to make the most of it… and even play catch up a little bit on last year… because a lot of that was wasted.  Some things continue to be wasted though…  though not by my choice 😉  I’ve made it a goal this year to try and hang out with my friends from back home that are down here more often.  I’ve been succeeding with one of them (Karen), but as far as Lisa and Emily go… no.  Not that I haven’t tried, but, they never seem to answer their phone…  or, when they do, it’s generally lisa and she is either tired or leaving.  Oh well.  And Brown I’ve hung out with a bit.  He’s just above me, so I guess I’m succeeding there too.  Although it’s been a few days since I’ve done much with him… perhaps tomorrow I’ll head to his room.

Just… something that I have really realized the importance of recently…..  always take advantage of every opportunity you have.  Don’t hold out for something that COULD be when something else IS right now.  Life is too short to live for the might be.  You will enjoy yourself so much more if you live in the now.  Keep the future in mind, but don’t live for it.  This is really similar to what Age just recently did a post on…  I suggest you go read it.  She did a lot better job then I am probably doing ;).  In any case, make the most of every second you have.

That’s all for tonight.

Be blessed.

“It’s difficult to say goodbye after all this time.
The rain will fall down replenishing all of our broken dreams.
And this burning tree that is withering will bloom again,
Would you believe?

Goodbye, goodbye.
Walk away it’s time to say goodbye.
Goodbye, goodbye.
Walk away it’s hard to say goodbye.

Now all that’s left are pictures on the wall.
Memories and stories that are told.
The more often told the bigger they get.
Create a legacy last we forget.

Goodbye, goodbye.
Walk away it’s time to say goodbye.

No longer can i hold onto this defeated change in my heart.
It’s time to sing “fare thee well” to life as we know it.
My voice it will be still.

Something woke me up in the midst of dream and fantasy.
Halfway there.
But He always fills my cup
And He lifts me up oh how He lifts me up.

Goodbye, goodbye.
Walk away it’s time to say goodbye.

I never took the time to stop and realize,
That death takes many forms,
Even while alive.”

-“Goodbye,” by Plankeye

I often wonder what is so difficult about film projectors that the people running them at movie theaters so often screw stuff up so badly.  I went to the movies tonight… and it randomly stopped for no apparent reason… and then proceeded to take like 15 minutes for them to fix it.  Granted, I get a free movie out of it.. but… why?  I can’t understand it.

I also apparently will not be going to the beach this weekend.  There has been a change of plans, but, upon finding out what the plans were in the first place, I probably would not have gone anyway.  As it turns out, it is someone’s birthday, and I do not know him, and people were going cuz it was what he wanted to do for his birthday… so..  yeah.  Anyway, I’m told they are not doing it anyway cuz it is supposed to rain on monday now.. but.. *shrugs*.

I’m hoping this weekend will pick up a little bit tomorrow… it’s been a bit slow.  But that’s ok I guess.  Nice to get some rest in ;).  I am going to try and write a decent post tomorrow… you know, something worth reading 🙂  We’ll see though.

Have a great day.

Be excellent to each other.

(truly a great song… ;))

“God gave rock and roll to you, gave rock and roll to you
Put it in the soul of everyone
Do you know what you want? You don’t know for sure
You don’t feel right, you can’t find a cure
And you’re gettin’ less than what you’re lookin’ for

You don’t have money or a fancy car
And you’re tired of wishin’ on a falling star
You gotta put your faith in a loud guitar

God gave rock and roll to you, gave rock and roll to you
Gave rock and roll to everyone
God gave rock and roll to you, gave rock and roll to you
Put it in the soul of everyone

“Now listen”
If you wanna be a singer, or play guitar
Man, you gotta sweat or you won’t get far
Cause it’s never too late to work nine-to-five

You can take a stand, or you can compromise
You can work real hard or just fantasize
But you don’t start livin’ till you realize


God gave rock and roll to you, gave rock and roll to you
Gave rock and roll to everyone
God gave rock and roll to you, gave rock and roll to you
Put it in the soul

(Instrumental break)

God gave rock and roll to you
Gave rock and roll to you, gave rock and roll to everyone

God gave rock and roll to you
Gave rock and roll to you, saved rock and roll for everyone
Saved rock and roll

God gave rock and roll to you, gave rock and roll to you
Gave rock and roll to everyone
God gave rock and roll to you, gave rock and roll to you
Put it in the soul of everyone

I know life sometimes can get tough!
And I know life sometimes can be a drag.
But people, we have been given a gift, we have been given a road
And that road’s name is… Rock and Roll”

-“God Gave Rock And Roll To You,” by Kiss

So I’ve been slacking on my site.  So what?!  what are YOU gonna do about it?! 😉

Yeah, I dunno why I haven’t updated.  I have had time to, I just haven’t.  Oh well.  It’s not like it’s actually important in any way…  I think all you 7 people who read this can go a few days without reading anything I have to say.

So the last couple of hours I have been playing The Sims…  no, I am not addicted to the game, I actually don’t think it’s all that much fun… after a few hours it’s actually just plain boring… but anyway… to the point…  how much easier would it be if when you interacted with people, etc, if they had the little “+’s” and “-‘s” over their heads…. that would help out a lot I think….  and the hearts and so forth.  We could just get around all the guesswork and uncertainty 😉  and plus people wouldn’t make incorrect assumptions (really people…  it’s not hard to make CORRECT assumptions…  at least, when it’s in regards to other people, and not yourself…  I mean, I have a flawless record ;))  Anyway though…  it seems like I have to be really careful with what I say or do to keep other people from thinking there is something more then there is.  Of course, in many cases I can just tell them no, they’re wrong.. but.. *shrugs*.  This isn’t really a huge problem I’m having right now or anything…  just…  some stuff has happened in the last day or so that brought it to mind.

Anyway, this is our first long weekend… hopefully I’ll get to go to the beach….  I like beaches.  They are what makes florida wonderful.

I also have randomly become moderately sick…  and the last 2 days it has rained and kept me from running.  Stupid Florida weather.

I know this was choppy.. but umm.. i’m tired, so, you can get over it 🙂

Have a great day.

Godspeed.

It’s amazing the condition you can allow yourself to get into and not even notice that there is a problem.  This week I have sort of reorganized my life.  I made a lot of realizations of stuff that has been sort of skewed in my life…  and today in chapel was sort of the completeion of that.

You know, honestly, a month ago if someone would have asked, I would have answered, and honestly answered (and people did ask, and I did answer) that I was doing perfectly all right with God and with my life in general.  As is turns out, I was wrong.  This week I have become closer to God then I have been in awhile.  And now that I am there, I can see a huge difference in being there, and in being where I was.  God has just been using every event in my life recently, whether good or bad, to bring me into the place I should be.  And I am very glad for that.  It is good to be in this place, because I truly have a joyful spirit right now, and it’s good to feel God’s presence… when you’re writing e-mails… or comments on your xanga site… or just going about your day.  But especially in the writing stuff.  Because then you are more prone to say the right and correct things.  Or at least, I think so.

I just have to say…  never think you know what is best for your life over what God has for you.  If you tell God essentially that you have found what you want, and don’t want anything else, because you can’t imagine anything better, then that closes you off to pretty much everything God has for you.  And believe me, what God has for you is infinitely better then anything you can possibly imagine.  By all means, pursue your desires… but always approach it saying “God, if this is your will, then let it happen… if it’s not, I’m willing to let it go.”  God wants to give you the best… don’t be afraid to let him.

I hope you all have a wonderful day.

Be blessed.

“Here I am waiting, abide in me I pray.
Here I am longing, for You.
Hide me in your love, bring me to my knees.
May I know Jesus more and more.

Come live in me,
All my life, take over.
Come breathe in me,
And I will rise, on eagle’s wings.”

-“Eagle’s Wings,” (no idea who wrote it :))

Who’s Your 80s Movie Icon Alter-Ego? Find out @ She’s Crafty

(figures 😉  I liked that movie a lot… ‘cept for 2 scenes…. 1 because of bad acting and once because of a lot of unneccesary nudity… anyway, kinda agree with it… except… I don’t consider myself “painfully shy”… quiet, yes… but not painfully shy 😉  80’s movies rock.)

hey there.

*crams his face with applesauce*…

I am quite hungry, because I missed lunch today.  Why?  It is not important.  All that matters is… I missed it, and am therefore hungry.

mmmm… applesauce….

anyway, so today has been pretty good… although there was some unpleasantness at the start.  Darn having to wake up at 7:15 so you can go eat breakfast and then get to an 8 o’ clock class… which means you only got about 5 hours of sleep, only to go outside and discover that it is pouring rain….  made the trip all the way from South Apartments to the cafeteria in said rain, and being completely soaked by the time I got there….  then of course I had to go to the class, and of course, it was still pouring rain.  I was very wet, and very cold.  I am dry now.  Dryness is happiness.

My whole getting a job thing is looking promising….  I applied at Bennigans, and they are having me come in tomorrow at 3:30 for a second interview.  So if you have a moment and think about it, pray about that…  it would be awesome if I had a job by tomorrow night ;).  I can’t wait to have like… actual money.

Chapel today was again quite cool….  I am going to post a lot more on that topic later though… probably tonight… so I will just leave it at that for now.

I hope all you readers of my site are doing well.

Godspeed.