Xanga Archive

Have you ever listened to a song… and listened to it time and time again… and been unable to figure out what in the heck it was about… like no matter how many times you listened to it, or read over the lyrics…… and then… one day… you’re like… driving in your car… the cd playing… and all of the sudden.. it clicks.

Just happened to me…

I think that it’s basically what happens when you’re in a place where you can identify with how the other person was feeling when they wrote the song. Suddenly the veil is lifted, and you can see exactly what the point is.

Anyway, this is the song…. (don’t worry, I plan on writing more after I paste the song ;)):

“And If I could teach the world to be..
I’d teach them all to be something just like me.
Frustrated, bitter, depressing.

Perfect – As if my wings were like yours
But I’m falling down.

And if you could hold your tongue long enough..
You’d see that all I am is love, but I don’t like me.
I despise me.

Perfect – As if my wings were like yours
But I’m falling down.
Perfect – As if my wings were like yours
But I’m falling down.

It’s a disease they’ll never have a cure for.
You’re the only way to dry my eyes.
It’s a disease, they’ll never have a cure.
But I’m the one whose wrong. I’m the one who cries.
It’s a disease, they’ll never have a cure for.
It’s a disease, they’ll never have a cure.
But I’m the one whose wrong. I’m the one who cries.

I cry – I despise me.”

-“August Winterman,” by Dead Poetic


A lot of the time I get frustrated with like… the world, and life, in general. I a lot of cases bitter, and in a lot of cases depressed… that line like suddenly made perfect sense to me when I was thinking that earlier. I want the rest of the world to be the same way… because… as it is, it’s out of my control. I can’t make things go the way I want them to no matter how hard I try.

I guess I can’t really say that’s what the song is about. But it never really seemed to be about anything to me before, so that’s kind of the meaning I’m attaching to it. I could be dead wrong, but, oh well.

I saw the movie K-19 The Widowmaker last night. It was pretty good, better then I actually expected… kind of sad. From it I determined that radiation poisoning is definately one of the worst ways a person can die. I think it at least equates, and maybe surpasses, burning to death. Burning is over a lot faster.. so.. while there may be more pain at once, it is not spread out over such a great period of time. So.. yeah. Chalk that up as another way I do not want to die. Anyway, the coolest thing, I thought, about the movie… was the perspective it gave you. It’s about a soviet sub, it’s all from the soviet perspective. There’s a scene when they’re showing a video about “American propaganda” to the crew. To see things from their perspective, you really start to like them. I think that a lot of bitterness and hatred could be avoided if people could just be real, share their feelings with each other, and understand.

More coming. I have another topic in mind but I need to think it over a bit before posting.