Xanga Archive

Another day, another post….

So this has been a pretty interesting week.  Not really in a good way, but… I dunno… most of it hasn’t been in a bad way either.  Kind of a little of both, I guess.

However, it did all start BECAUSE of a really bad thing.  But I think a lot of good has come from it, in my life, personally.  I am still far from happy about the fact that it happened, and wish it hadn’t, and I’m still hoping that it will get resolved…  but I am at this point changed because of it, and I believe that the change is for the better.  I would like to once again thank everyone who I talked to concerning the matter….  while I don’t think any of you really read this too often….  you made the change possible, because I never would have figured a lot of this out without your insight….  and while a lot of it still doesn’t make sense to me.. i guess that’s ok.

The thing that has made me the most comfortable about this situation… and the reason I am not like…  as bummed out and stuff as I think people would normally expect… is because I have really seen the hand of God at work this week…. which is really what has made it so interesting.  It has been a bit of a while since I have really seen God move in my life… and I think maybe this whole thing had a lot to do with Him getting my attention.  That doesn’t make it any easier, but I believe that God can heal that which has been broken…  and I also know that I will not fall into the same place I was beforehand if this were to work out.

“I guess the cup is only useful / for the hollow of it’s shape / the brokenness in me is the need that holds Your grace”

So the only problem is from here I don’t yet know where to go.  I have kind of a complete lack of patience….  and having to wait for someone else to make a move can be pretty hard for me.  and there’s also always the potential that I could have to decide based on this moment…  there is no guarentee that another move will be made.  Not that I really get that much of a choice at that point… but there is a bit of one to make.

Through much prayer, I am stronger today then I was yesterday….

“You slipped from my arms, I knew you had to go.
Such a heavy heart, who could hope to hold?
And I know where you’re going, and that’s the hardest part.
No matter where tonight ends, you won’t escape your broken heart.

Stay a while.

Helpless for the words, and it tightens up the air.
It’s not what you deserve, it’s not for lack of care.
Inside of me is screaming out, I’m praying for my prayers.
Distracting and unworthy of each and every burning tear.
Seems insincere.

Do I see God in all of this? Maybe all along.
It’s just that we’re so small, and simply not as strong.
Strong like wings of silver, and feathers made of gold.
To carry heavy hearts, to cover all our helpless souls.

To cover all of us.

Under wings of Gold and Silver, sometimes we have to hide.
For shelter from this bitter winter, at least tonight.

(If it were mine to give I’d give you your own time
Turn it back or forward whatever you decide)

Stay a while.”

-“Gold and Silver,” by Stavesacre