“To think in terms of either pessimism or optimism oversimplifies the truth. The problem is to see reality as it is.” – Thích Nhất Hạnh
“Wisdom says we are nothing. Love says we are everything. Between these two our life flows.” –
“Meditation practice isn’t about trying to throw ourselves away and become something better. It’s about befriending who we are already.” –
I’ve been realizing more and more recently the need for me to begin practicing mindfulness in my day to day life. I feel like at some point in my journey through life I realized who I wasn’t, but forgot to figure out who I actually am. And so I hold on to aspects of a person that I thought I was . Perhaps it’s because I am afraid of who I might be. Or perhaps it’s simply that I haven’t been willing to do the work until now. I know there are things that I have long said I believe that I am afraid perhaps I don’t believe.
What I do know is that I can’t continue to walk through life with only part of an identity. Perhaps the things that I don’t like about myself are the things that aren’t really me. And I definitely have my fair share of moments of self-loathing.
The past couple of weeks I have had some pretty big swings in terms or happiness and sadness, depending on how I happen to feel about something in a given moment. That seems to me to be very unhealthy, and I think the root cause of it is perhaps that I am not grounded in my own identity.
I’ve also begun having trouble sleeping again, something that seemed like it was behind me for awhile. The last time I was struggling with it, it seemed that taking 5-HTP helped, which may indicate the problem is a lack of serotonin, and well, that may contribute to my negative moods as well.
I’ve decided to take a break from the world… at least as much as is possible, to center in on my self and do some hard work on me. I again deactivated Facebook – along with all my social media accounts – this time with no announcement to anyone beforehand. I’m not only not looking for attention, but this time I am trying to actively avoid it as much as is possible.
Earlier tonight I listened through a guided meditation on mindfulness, and it’s rather amazing how much peace that 15 minutes brought me. I plan on making that a big part of the forseeable future.
I don’t know how long I will continue with this withdrawing to look inward, but I can already feel some value coming from it, so I will continue for as long as I believe it to be a benefit.