“To think in terms of either pessimism or optimism oversimplifies the truth. The problem is to see reality as it is.” – Thích Nhất Hạnh

“Wisdom says we are nothing. Love says we are everything. Between these two our life flows.” –
Jack Kornfield

“Meditation practice isn’t about trying to throw ourselves away and become something better. It’s about befriending who we are already.” –
Pema Chödrön

I’ve been realizing more and more recently the need for me to begin practicing mindfulness in my day to day life.  I feel like at some point in my journey through life I realized who I wasn’t, but forgot to figure out who I actually am.  And so I hold on to aspects of a person that I thought I was .  Perhaps it’s because I am afraid of who I might be.  Or perhaps it’s simply that I haven’t been willing to do the work until now.  I know there are things that I have long said I believe that I am afraid perhaps I don’t believe.

What I do know is that I can’t continue to walk through life with only part of an identity.  Perhaps the things that I don’t like about myself are the things that aren’t really me.  And I definitely have my fair share of moments of self-loathing.

The past couple of weeks I have had some pretty big swings in terms or happiness and sadness, depending on how I happen to feel about something in a given moment.  That seems to me to be very unhealthy, and I think the root cause of it is perhaps that I am not grounded in my own identity.

I’ve also begun having trouble sleeping again, something that seemed like it was behind me for awhile.  The last time I was struggling with it, it seemed that taking 5-HTP helped, which may indicate the problem is a lack of serotonin, and well, that may contribute to my negative moods as well.

I’ve decided to take a break from the world… at least as much as is possible, to center in on my self and do some hard work on me.  I again deactivated Facebook – along with all my social media accounts – this time with no announcement to anyone beforehand.  I’m not only not looking for attention, but this time I am trying to actively avoid it as much as is possible.

Earlier tonight I listened through a guided meditation on mindfulness, and it’s rather amazing how much peace that 15 minutes brought me.  I plan on making that a big part of the forseeable future.

I don’t know how long I will continue with this withdrawing to look inward, but I can already feel some value coming from it, so I will continue for as long as I believe it to be a benefit.

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